North Carolina has been great, I'm dreading going back home, but excited all in the same to see my baby girl! I've been doing webcam with her every night which has been nice.

I'm 37 weeks today and the doctor said at 39 weeks he would induce if I wanted to. I'm doing a drug free labor. I'm tough and can handle the pain I did it with Haylie with no drugs I know I can do it again. It is going to be extremely difficult giving up my baby girl, but I know it's for the best I hope and pray that someday when she is old enough to understand she is thankful for what i've done. It was an act of love and nothing less.

I am trying to write a letter for her explaining everything but the words just don't come out, I don't know where to begin or what to say but I know in time they will form.

Derrick is packing to come home, I can't wait to see him. When he gets here he is going to spend 5 days with my family than we are driving to Missouri to spend 5 days with his family and than down to Louisiana to live. I'm excited about the move. It will be hard being down there and not knowing anyone but I know I can easily meet people, and there's always mardi gras !! hahaha

Thing's have been amazing with Derrick and I. We had an amazing time in California and I am so thankful to have met such a decent careing guy.

Half moon bay!!


I got so sunburnt.... we were driving with the top down and I never thought to wear sunscreen.... hehe oopsies!

FUCK OBAMA and all you people that voted for him....
change... did anyone ever think about HOW he planned to make a change..... communisim maybe? we have a weak fucking president now just lovely next 4 years will be hell!

Missing my soldier.............




Derrick and I started talking awhile ago and we clicked from the beginning, when he got his vacation the end of august he flew me out to Cali to spend time with him, and took me to Yosemite. We had an amazing time!! I know it may be to soon to start dateing after being with Stephen and all but, honestly, I've never felt so happy...and so much pain all at once, i've never dated a military man and having him in Iraq is even harder. He calls me every chance he can get and i always get these cute little packages in the mail, he's away till February and than here for a year and than back to Iraq for another year, after that he wants out of the military and to settle down... it works out good, it gives us time to really get to know one another and know what we are both about..which is great, however, it's really hard knowing somoene you care about is so far away, and you never know when they will come home... or if...


I put away the groceries
And I take my daily bread
I dream of your arms around me
As I tuck the kids in bed

I don't know what you're doin'
And I don't know where you are
But I look up at that great big sky
And I hope you're wishin' on that same
bright star

I wonder, I pray

[Chorus:]
And I sleep alone
I cry alone
And it's so hard livin' here on my own
So please, come home soon
(Come home soon)

I know that we're together
Even though we're far apart
And I'll wear our lucky penny 'round my neck
Pressed to my heart

I wonder, I pray

[Repeat Chorus]

[Bridge:]
I still imagine your touch
It's beautiful missing something that much
But sometimes love needs a fighting chance
So I'll wait my turn until it's our turn to dance

I wonder, I pray

[Second Chorus:]
I sleep alone
I cry alone
Without you this house is not a home
So please, come home soon

[Third Chorus:]
I walk alone
I try alone
I'll wait for you, don't want to die alone
So please, come home soon

Come home soon
Come home soon

So it's been awhile since I last updated. Thing's here have been going well for the most part. I'm due Dec. 3rd and am giving the baby up for adoption to my uncle and his new wife. It's going to be extremely hard on my part but in the end I know that it's the right thing for the baby.

I'm out of work for now, been doing some odd jobs here and there. After I have the baby I have a job with the jackson laboratory where I can work my way up there. For now while i'm not in a steady career i'm concentrating on my schooling. I've switched my major from paralegal studies to business management in accounting, and aside from all the math i love it!

Well Haylie is being a pill, so i need to go take care of her but i hope all is well with everyone.

a pic taken a few weeks ago..... i'm already getting a belly on me.. i think its from over eating and stress lol

Lets see where to begin...it's been awhile since I have last updated, things have been very stressful for me. I just moved into my own place, alone..with my daughter Haylie. I'm pregnant with Stephens child, i'm roughly 7 weeks along. Stephen is living with his ex girlfriend the one he had a child with, and is filing for divorce. I'm left pregnant and alone...but I should of listend to my friends!!

A lot has gone on... after Stephen left I moved into a hotel for awhile because living at my moms was hard, everything reminded me of Stephen... while living there I ran into an old friend, who I started hanging out with. Eventually things went sour. I made the mistake of taking him with me to my pot dealer, and in turn 2 days later my pot dealer was robbed of 11,000....It's funny how people get away with things that they really shouldn't but someday he will pay! Whats that say....? What goes around comes back around? Yeh thats it, and I am a firm believer in that saying.

I haven't been able to update much or keep up with anyones entries, I dont have internet where I live, i'm still in the process of getting it!

Just wanted to update you all on my sad...sad life LOL!

I havent updated in awhile. Things have been busy. I'm living back with my mom, Stephen and I moved back for a few months so we could get back on our feet.

So I had quite the scare the other day!
Ever since Christmas I had been bleeding, it wasnt a period it was just blood and it was on again off again kind of thing. Up until 2 weeks ago I had been experiencing severe pain to the point where i couldnt sit or stand, or even lay down without being in pain. Stephen and my mom kept telling me to go to the doctors, but of course i'm stubborn. I ended up continuing on with work and my daily routine until the other day, I went into work (at 4:30 a.m) and got everything ready and around 6 a.m I started throwing up, I had this sudden thought that I may be pregnant, I sat down for awhile because i had pains in my abdomane so bad it was unbearable to stand up. I ended up going home sick, and laid in bed till about 10 a.m till I couldnt take the pain anymore and decided to go to the doctors, stephen called my regular doctor and they didnt want to see me, they told me to go straight to the ER a.s.a.p So I did, it was a 30 min ride and very uncomfortable. After sitting in the waiting room for about 2 hours I finally got looked at. The doctor wanted to do some blood work and than a pap smear to see what was going on, ( i have an I.U.D) After drawing blood, the nurse comes in an hour later, and tells me i'm pregnant, I of course freak out because I am not stable enough to have another kid right now (financially) So, They wanted to do an ultrasound to see if the baby was in my uterus, if not it was going to be "cold metal and bright lights" as the doctor put it. I had the ultrasound (very painful) and asked the girl if it looked serious when she was done, alls she said was "when you say, "ouch" I can see why it hurts" she was in no position to tell me anything. They send me back to my room and the doctor comes in and tells me that the baby is in my tubes so I had a tubal pregnancy, and that i would need a surgery done imediately and they were sending the doctors in now to get ready. Within 15 mins I was in surgery, they ended up doing a bikini cut after cutting open my belly button because there was to much blood inside me ( the doctor said about 1/3 of a 2 liter bottle of blood was in me) After surgery I had to remain in the hospital because my blood count was so low, and i was pretty much anemic (spelling?)
I'm now on bed rest for 2 weeks, and it sucks! But i'm so glad I went in, I cant believe i was pregnant for a month and had no idea, needless to say I got my I.u.d taken out and will never have one ever again.

this has been the most painful thing ever!!!

I'm letting you all know i'm still alive! I do read your entries just havent had time to commment, i'll work on it

Me and Ivory ....hangin out one night w/ nick!

So yeh things have been going well here... start work in a week, decorating wreaths.. and than starting Dec. 1st I have a part time job working for a small law firm working saturdays for now so I can get some experience in the field.. hopefully that works out and hopefuly I can maybe get on to be full time lol who knows!!

So not much has been new lately, finished my first term for school with a 3.7 gpa so far... lets see if i can get that up and keep it up to a 4.0 hehe.. anyways heres a few pics..


Haylie!! She's gettin soo big


new one of me...grr i've gained 10 lbs...hopefully i can lose that and than some